New Sunderland manager David Moyes has spoken of his relief at returning to a northern industrial city following his Spanish hell.
The former Celtic defender, Preston manager, Everton synonym and Man Utd whipping boy opened up to Football Burp about his ill-starred spell at Real Sociedad.
Forced to live in the beautiful Basque coastal municipality of San Sebastián, Moyes tearfully recounted subsisting on fresh seafood, fine wine and an oceanic climate.
He also ran into financial troubles when he found himself having to spend the majority of his income on industrial-strength sunscreen.
However, a refreshed-looking Moyes declared himself to be “reinvigorated” by the prospect of coming back to work at a grimy northern outpost.
He said: “It’s not just the smell of the toxic smog emanating from Middlesbrough that makes my heart sing – it’s the sight of it too.
“After a year of battling with Michelin-starred tapas and picturesque bayfront promenades, I can’t tell you how much I’m looking forward to going face-first into a chip butty.
“I’m sure Phil Neville will agree with me when I meet him for lunch and ask him to consider coming out of retirement.”