David Moyes is to be characterised as some sort of vegetable in recognition of his successful ruination of Manchester United within just six games, it has been revealed.
The Red Devils boss, Scotlandic, is definitely now beyond redemption after overseeing a 2-1 defeat at home to West Bromwich Albion that simply would not have happened under literally any other manager, it just wouldn’t have.
As is customary when a manager is perceived by the general populace to be out of his depth, Moyes will now be assigned a vegetable to be associated derisively with forevermore.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the general populace confirmed that they are in negotiations with the Fresh Produce Consortium with a view to establishing the vegetable best suited to representing Moyes’s plight.
You/they said: “The obvious one is carrot, given Moyes’s complexion.
“That’s definitely the front-runner, but spinach is another popular choice for how he appears to be wilting under the pressure.
“There’s a school of thought that Moyes’s new nickname should be ‘neep’ – that’s Scottish for ‘turnip’, right? As in ‘neeps and tatties’.
“It would be like a Monty Python fans convention, everyone in Old Trafford shouting ‘Neep! Neep! Nnnnnneep!
“How funny would that be? Quite, I reckon. At the very least quite.”
When Burp put it to the general populace that they’d look pretty stupid should Moyes pull it together and wind up a success, they shrugged philosophically and said: “Well yeah, but it’s not like we’d admit it.”
Moyes was unavailable for comment as he was too busy lolling his tongue like a cartoon dunce and slurring “duuuhhh, which way did he go?”.