José Mourinho blames many things, but a lamp post? That’s what happened as his Chelsea team stuttered to a 2-2 opening day draw at home to Swansea, we can confirm.

The Portuguese, increasingly self-parodic, responded to post-match questioning as to his side’s inability to win by pointing at the roadside light source and saying “that’s what done it, that thing there”.

When asked to elucidate, Mourinho shrugged, puffed out his cheeks and smashed a lantern on the ground.

He said: “I know what you [people] do, you go away [and] write headlines saying ‘Mourinho blames this, that and the other’, but this really was the lamp post’s fault.

“I was unhappy with that lamp post. It was impulsive and naive. Whether you are a kit man, doctor, secretary or lamp post in the street, you have to understand the game.

“What were we talking about again?”