Most Millwall fans weren’t pummelling each other, claim Millwall fans

Millwall fans
Luton v Millwall, 1985

Most Millwall fans present at Wembley for Saturday’s FA Cup semi-final defeat to Wigan Athletic were not beating the living daylights out of other Millwall fans, Millwall fans have claimed.

The fans, Millwall fans, were mostly consoling each other with good-natured utterances such as “it’s just a game” and “maybe next year, eh?” after Callum McManaman had put the Latics 2-0 to the good, when a minority of Lions supporters – such a minority, in fact, as to be practically unpunishable – began to go decidedly militant on each other.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a Millwall fan dismissed the crowd trouble as “one of those things” while casually holding another Millwall fan in a headlock and pummelling his skull like Obelix with a hapless Roman.

He said: “It happens at every club from time to time. You can’t very well punish a whole club for the actions of a few idiots.

“After all, haven’t we all grabbed a fellow supporter by the scruff of the neck and punched him to sleep when the mood or occasion has taken us? I know I have – I mean, clearly I’m doing it right now.

“What is it they say? May he who casts the first stone at a policeman’s helmet send it flying like a coconut shy, then wear that helmet while running around yelling ‘look at me, I’m a farkin rozza! Har har har har har!’

“Personally, I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve some pummelling to attend to.”

When asked to explain all the previous instances of crowd trouble pertaining to his club’s supporters, the Millwall fan smiled knowingly and gestured eastwards.

He said: “West Ham fans, innit? They’re forever buying tickets to our matches and starting trouble in order to paint us in a bad light.

“I mean, why wouldn’t they? Any Premier League club worth its salt will always have one eye on tarnishing the public image of a relatively local club from the league below.

“West Ham are no different, and that’s why we tried to eat them all when we played them in the League Cup a few years ago.”

He added: “I only ate a couple. Stop looking at me like that.”