McClaren QPR coach following Glastonbury bender

Steve McClaren
McClaren does his best Lloyd Bridges impression (Image: Thomas Rodenbücher)

Those ‘Steve McClaren QPR coach’ murmurs gathered apace yesterday when the former England manager confirmed that he’d awoken from a Glastonbury bender to find himself installed in the position.

The former Middlesbrough manager revealed how he had met up with Joey Barton at the John Peel Stage to see Tyler, The Creator & Earl Sweatshirt, and that together they consumed what Mr Barton had described to the former AZ Alkmaar manager as “boss pills”.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the former Manchester United assistant manager – wasn’t he there when they won the treble, or was that someone else? – explained that this sparked a “right old session” which included laughing gas, lentils and powerful hallucinogens.

He said: “So I come to, right, and I’m lying face down in the middle of the pitch at Loftus Road with a signed contract in one hand and a sizable spliff in the other.

“I walked past Harry Redknapp on the way to the toilets and we just shrugged at each other.

“As he walked away I overheard him say to another member of staff, ‘At least it’s not ****ing Kinnear.’

“Steve McClaren QPR coach? Sure, why not, I wasn’t doing anything.

“Suppose I’d better learn to start talking like Harry now.”

He added: “Cor blimey, guvna, who’s that geezer going up the apples and pears?

“No, that’s not right.”

Exclusive: Joey Barton’s Glastonbury diary