“Maybe I should have stayed at Fulham”, thinks Hughes

QPR boss Mark Hughes
Hughes rallies against the rumour mill (Image: Fr. Dougal McGuire)
The thought has crossed Mark Hughes’s mind that perhaps he should have stayed at Fulham, according to everyone except him.

Hughes, a Scorpio, looks likely to be removed from his position as manager of Queens Park Rangers after seeing his side prolong their winless start to the season with a dismal 3-1 loss at home to fellow strugglers Southampton.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Welsh bloke reiterated his commitment to the Loftus Road club in the face of mounting speculation that his job will be offered to Harry Redknapp, and denied speculation from everyone else on Earth that he’s spent the last few months thinking, “Why the blinking buggery didn’t I just stay at Fulham?”

He said: “No, I don’t think my managerial career is lying in tatters.

“Yes, I did leave a good club behind at Fulham – but no, I haven’t given any thought as to how I could have been hailed for doing a good job on a budget had I not ‘gotten ideas above my station’, as you so bluntly put it, rather than my current reputation as the guy who spent a small fortune to take his side to the bottom of the league.

“Shut up.”

Dave, a plumber from Fife, said: “Did he really say that? I’m calling his bluff.

“He left behind a team he’d just lead to 8th off the back of the strong foundations left at Craven Cottage by current England manager Roy Hodgson, because the Aston Villa job had just become available and he probably thought, ‘Sod the protracted negotiations, they obviously want me more than Piers Morgan wants firing into the sun.’

“To think, we all laughed when they chose Alex McLeish instead! Well okay, he was no picnic either, but at least he didn’t sign seventeen goalkeepers.

“Would you like to pop in for a scone?”

Konibu, a shaman from the five-strong Amazonian tribe of the Akuntsu, said: “Hughes is a liar – there’s no way he isn’t wading in his own regret right now, reeling from his own hurt pride.

“I’m in regular contact with the spirit world and they all reckon Redknapp would do a job at QPR.”

Mohamed Al-Fayed said: “And I’m way more entertaining than Tony Fernandes.”