Andre Marriner sends off Gibbs and awards match to Germany? It happened alright, and Chelsea are none too happy about it.

The Blues’ 6-0 win over Arsenal had already been marred by the referee’s bizarre decision to show a red card to Gunners left-back Kieran Gibbs for a goal line handball offence committed by Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.

Things then got even weirder when Marriner sounded the full time whistle and announced that the winners of the Stamford Bridge clash had been Red Star Belgrade, despite the Serbian outfit’s non-participation in the event.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Chelsea manager José Mourinho confirmed his intention to wreak revenge for the injustices that have befallen his side in recent weeks.

He dismissively shrugged: “First Chris Foy sends off our entire team against Aston Villa, then Marriner sends off Gibbs and awards our 6-0 win to Red Star Belgrade – what next?

“Things have changed since November, when Andre Marriner even went so far as to score our last-minute goal against West Bromwich Albion for us.

“We appreciated that gift, but this subsequent affront has got me all hot under the collar.

“I’d like to take this moment to pledge revenge on all of the officials involved in Saturday’s farcical events, as well as Oxlade-Chamberlain and Gibbs for looking a bit like each other.

“I mean, they don’t really look all that much like each other, but they’re of similar height, skin tone and were standing near each other when it happened.

“So yeah, it’s not as weird as if it had been Mertesacker and Cazorla, but it’s still pretty weird.

“That’s why I shall destroy them, and you as well if you don’t stop looking at me with that incredulous expression.

“Happy Monday morning, everyone!”

Andre Marriner was unavailable for comment as he was busy trying to find his own house.