Manchester United have qualified for the Europa League after a majestic 3-2 defeat at Wolfsburg, it has been confirmed.

The Red Devils brushed off their reputation as goalless draw specialists to claim their rightful place in Europe’s secondary competition, with Nick Powell replacing Bastian Schweinsteiger to great effect.

Louis van Gaal’s men can now look forward to anything between two and a thousand Thursday night fixtures against teams with names like Young Grasshoppers of Minsk, Dynamo Crimea, and such and such.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Dutchman hinted that he had hatched a cunning plan to navigate United through this exciting new campaign.

He said: “I’ve got a trick up my sleeve, for sure.

“Let’s just say it’s 6 foot 4 and Belgian.”