Man City’s Jesus gives tabloid headline writers “new lease of life”

Subeditors finally have something to work with after years of "Roo beauty".

Man City starlet Gabriel Jesus
GIFT: Gabriel (Image: Andre Borges/Agência Brasília)

Manchester City starlet Gabriel Jesus has given the nation’s tabloid headline writers a new lease of life, according to newspaper subeditors.

The young Brazilian forward scored twice in yesterday’s 2-1 win over Swansea, including a stoppage time winner that saved his side in much the same manner as the original Jesus might have saved your soul.

After years of having little to do other than okaying the occasional “Roo beauty!”, subeditors up and down the country have been gifted a supernaturally talented Jesus to work with.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, some bloke from The Sun or something spoke of his tremendous excitement at this game-changing development.

He crowed: “I’m one of the best in the business – I mean, I won awards for my ‘Roo-turn’ headlines each time Rooney withdrew a transfer request.

“It’s all gone a bit quiet since he turned rubbish and nobody wanted him any more, but with a Jesus now saving City, it’s boom time again.

“There’s all sorts of crackers I’ve got saved up to do with crosses and miracles and that. It’s going to be proper ace.”