Liverpool were yesterday seen guffawing uproariously en route to the bank, we can unexclusively reveal.
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The entire football club, every man jack of it, was spotted marching bankwards almost doubling over with laughter at the unexpected £49m windfall from Manchester City for Raheem Sterling.
Onlookers have described how Reds players, staff members, supporters and well-wishers chortled merrily as they chewed over the 49 million compelling reasons to be cheerful.
Sterling’s unique brand of sulky oversexedness will now be the problem of, and principal distraction for, the vast array of lost youngsters populating Manuel Pellegrini’s subs bench.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers explained that most of the £49m would be spent on erecting a series of statues in his honour.
He said: “I can confirm that Raheem is no longer part of the group, the wee gobdaw.
“But that’s okay because Liverpool Football Club can take that £49m and use it to construct some kind of large-scale shrine to me.
“Not to Raheem. Not to Steven. Not even to Shanks.
“Just me, me, me.”