Legalised marijuana “may have led to Suárez bite”

Chiellini chomp ascribed to Uruguay false 9's "utter muntedness".

Legalised marijuana, alleged causer of the Luis Suárez bite
Pot… Notorious inducer of munchies

It’s the legalised marijuana that made the whole world sit up and take notice of Uruguay, and latest studies indicate that it may have caused the Luis Suárez bite on Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini.

The South American nation, curious, gave pot the green light earlier this year before uniting in nationwide blinkeredness to defend their star false 9’s latest working lunch.

Speculation has been rife as to the motivation for Suárez’s Chiellini chomp, with leading science types now concluding that he was probably just experiencing what is commonly referred to in stoner circles as “the munchies”.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one science guy opined that legalised marijuana was probably also the explanation for the entire nation of Uruguay losing their minds as one.

He said: “Come to think of it, I reckon Uruguay legalised marijuana in anticipation of another Suárez bite.

“You know those cartoons where one of the characters is so hungry that he looks at the other and sees him as a hot dog? That was Suárez, that.

“And the president’s got his mate Diego Maradona onside for a spot of phenomenally deluded rabble-rousing. That’s a shame, that is.

“You wouldn’t see Pelé debasing himself in public like that.”

He added: “At least not in that particular way.”

In other news, Luis Suárez is still signing for Barcelona, probably.