Philippe Coutinho claims leaving Liverpool brought about a dramatic and instantaneous improvement in his ability to speak English.
The Brazilian yesterday completed a £142m transfer to Barcelona and immediately set about penning an emotional farewell to the Anfield faithful on social media.
Speaking to Football Burp, Coutinho admitted he’d only gotten as far as “I go Barcelona now, bye bye” when his plane took off from John Lennon Airport.
He said: “It really was the most curious sensation, to suddenly find myself master of a language I’d hitherto only navigated in pidgen.
“As I boarded that plane, a fluorescent-jacketed gentlemen greeted me with a cheerful ‘is right kidda boppa la, Phil lad’ and I responded with a polite grin.
“My interpreter just shrugged at me. In fact, he’s worn out the shoulder pads in his overcoat from shrugging so much these past few years.
“Once that plane had taken off, the language of Shakespeare, Byron and Keats flowed through me like a surge of electricity.
“It was then that I knew I must conjure the most moving and epic Instagram farewell ever committed to screen.
“Dear Liverpool supporters, I can only hope I bestrode your historical nonpareil of a club like a burgeoning colossus, and I leave you amidst an ocean of regrets.
“However, the calling of Barcelona is like that of the mythological siren, so take flight I must. I bid you adieu, and remind you affectionately that you shall never perambulate solo.”