What had been thought to be a laser shone at Wayne Rooney as he missed a penalty against Middlesbrough last night has turned out to be a ‘battery low’ signal emanating from his backside.

The Manchester United forward, winding down, missed a spot kick in his side’s League Cup penalty shoot-out exit to Championship side Boro, whose were rewarded with a quarter-final tie at home to Rooney’s former/next side Everton.

Although many were quick to blame what had appeared to be a laser shone in Rooney’s direction by a mischievous fan, subsequent replays have shown that the light was in fact radiating from the player and carried a foreboding message.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Red Devils boss Louis van Gaal asked if anyone had a charger for Wayne Rooney.

He said: “He came out a while ago, mind, so maybe they don’t make them any more.

“It could be that his body’s concentrating so hard on trying to maintain his hairline that it’s sapped him of all other powers.

“Nevertheless, he scored a penalty against San Marino so he’s jolly well staying in my first XI.”