It was the Lallana Clattenburg tiff that stunned a nation – but a shocking Theo Walcott gesture has placed even that sorry affair firmly into the shade.
Football was rocked to its very foundations when Southampton star Adam Lallana accused referee Mark Clattenburg of saying to him “You are very different now, since you’ve played for England – you never used to be like this.”
Sources have indicated that Clattenburg uttered these words in the tremulous, keening manner of a wronged noblewoman summoning her last reserves of dignity in the face of a love extinguished by infidelity and smashed brandy glasses.
It has not yet been confirmed whether or not Lallana was wearing an embroidered dressing gown and on crutches at the time.
As if the Lallana Clattenburg affair hadn’t shocked and appalled a nation enough, Walcott then dragged the game further into disrepute by manually indicating Arsenal’s 2-0 lead over Tottenham Hotspur while being stretchered off the pitch.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a concerned parent deemed the actions of Clattenburg and Walcott to be deeply, deeply unacceptable…deeply.
She raged: “These men are role models and must conduct themselves accordingly.
“What will become of all the children who’ve seen them so callously indicating scorelines and casting politely worded aspersions on the groundedness, or otherwise, of others?
“I expect they shall all end up on the street, or dead – quite possibly on the street, dead.
“It’s not good enough, it really isn’t.”
Gunners boss Arsène Wenger has confirmed that the coins thrown at Walcott by Spurs fans shall be added onto their next bid for Luis Suárez.
He said: “£40,000,003.75 – that is our final offer.
“Unless we get more coins thrown at us, in which case we may switch our attentions to Falcao.”