Bill Kenwright has confirmed that there will be a new Everton stadium in Walton Hall Park and that it will almost certainly have a proscenium arch.

The Toffees chairman and theatre impresario, sentimental, revealed that the pitch will be cloaked during non-match hours by a large velvet curtain with an image of a cheerfully waving Roberto Martínez popping out of ‘Looney Tunes logo’ style concentric circles at its centre.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the former Coronation Street star explained that the audience will all be facing the same way.

He enthused: “Did I say audience? I meant attendance, naturally.

“You know, I was having one of my weekly hour-long Skype sessions with Sylvester Stallone when he said to me, ‘Hey Bill, where do you think you’ll lead Everton next?’

“At least I think that’s what he said, I’ve never been able to make sense of all that slurring. Usually I just keel back laughing and say ‘tremendous!’ in response to everything he says.

“Anyway, Sylvester Stallone says to me, he says, ‘They should name the new ground after you – the Bill Kenwright Arena.

“I said, “Don’t be silly, Sly – his close friends get to call him Sly – I’m far too humble to do anything like that.

“I used to watch ‘the Cannonball Kid’ Dave Hickson from the Boys Pen, and ‘the Golden Vision’ Alex Young? I practically raised his kids.

“I’m basically Supreme and Benevolent Leader for life here, but I wouldn’t dream of naming the new Everton stadium after myself.

“Goodness no.”