John Stones back-pass “so calamitous it created a caliphate”, claim reports

Man City defender's blunder against Southampton inspires formation of new extremist group.

This man invented the John Stones back-pass
STONED? Stones (Image: Chensiyuan)

It’s the John Stones back-pass to Nathan Redmond that’s got everyone talking, and Football Burp understands it’s created a new caliphate.

While clearly calamitous, the Man City defender’s error during the 1-1 draw with Southampton was not widely considered to be as calamitous as leaving a Middle East power vacuum though aggressive foreign policy.

However, such notions were smashed to smithereens when an extremist faction led by someone calling himself Abu Bakr al-Backhpassi announced themselves on YouTube.

The organisation leader said: “When we saw that John Stones back-pass, we all just kind of looked at each other as if to say, ‘Down with the West.’

“We’ve seen him doing it before, of course, but it’s even more radicalisingly galling after he’s had a £50m transfer.

“This is typical of you infidels, spending £50m on Stones, probably while drinking your alcohol and waving through your gay marriage.

“It’s haram, I tells ya.”

When invited to defend himself, John Stones span around three times and collapsed in a heap.