Joel Robles emerges from football match unscathed

Spaniard finally completes 90 calamity-free minutes in FA Cup stalemate.

Joel Robles
SURVIVOR: Joel (Image: Федченко Владислав)

Joel Robles last night managed to complete 90 minutes of FA Cup football without setting himself on fire or falling into a skip full of rat traps, it has been confirmed.

The goalkeeper, Spanish, had been the subject of concern amongst Everton’s fan base on account of his apparent susceptibility to quite comical degrees of calamity.

Hearkening back to Goodison greats such as Richard Wright and Paul Gerrard, Robles has at least compensated for his fuelling of unwelcome nostalgia by amusing onlookers with his resemblance to the svelte yet nonetheless brutish challenger for a fair maiden’s heart in an animated Disney movie.

However, last night’s 1-1 draw at home to West Ham in the FA Cup 3rd round saw Robles successfully see out an entire football match without yielding to the stadium-wide lingering suspicion of imminent catastrophe.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Joel Robles dedicated his gaffe-less outing to everyone from his weekly Blunderers Anonymous meetings.

He said: “It was just one of those occasions where a banana skin or bar of soap doesn’t find its way into your penalty area and you don’t accidentally line your gloves with teflon.

“A lot of things went right on the night, especially when those people threw twenty dinner plates at me and I had to catch them all and balance them on every part of my body.

“Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and lug a grand piano up a flight of stairs.”