Joe Hart mistakes precipitate sharp rise in sales of rival shampoo brands

Fraizer Campbell goals with head and shoulder provokes widespread fear of cosmic irony.

Joe Hart
Joe Hart in happier, catchier times (Image: Станислав Ведмидь/Stanislav Vedmid’/Stanisław Wiedmid’)

Shampoo brands including Aussie, Herbal Essences, L’Oréal, Pantene and Timotei have announced sharp rises in sales following the Joe Hart mistakes that gifted Cardiff City victory yesterday.

The Manchester City goalkeeper and Head & Shoulders ambassador attracted widespread criticism for twice conceding goals at corners to Cardiff forward Fraizer Campbell, who converted one with his head and one with his shoulder.

Although it has only been a matter of hours since these incidents took place, it has been reported that hundreds of thousands of people with flaky scalps and split ends have rushed out to switch brands before they are struck by such cosmic irony.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Gary, a shampoo user from Cheltenham, explained that the gods delight in making you reap what you sow should you take your eye off the ball, which Hart did metaphorically by “poncing around” at fashion shows and the like, as well as literally at the Cardiff City Stadium yesterday.

He said: “This reminds me of the time when Liverpool lost 1-0 at Sunderland after the gods made an exact replica of Rafael Benitez appear in the penalty area to deflect Darren Bent’s shot past Pepe Reina.

“Or the time Spurs signed Andy Reid and Mido then got knocked out of the Champions League spots by a buffet.”

“Or any of the times Newcastle United made a spectacularly poor decision that backfired on them hilariously somehow.

“It’s Pantene for me from now on, mostly because I really like that joke about how much cockneys pay for shampoo.”