Italy’s Euro 2012 squad has handed Mario Balotelli a written request not to be a complete loon for the duration of the tournament.
The Manchester City striker, a Leo, was last night discovered by his national team mates sword-fighting a bear in his hotel room, a feud that was reignited earlier today when Balotelli accused the bear of being a closet homosexual on Twitter.
Speaking to SoccerBelch.net, Thiago Motta said that Cesare Prandelli’s men were determined to make it quite clear to Balotelli that they’d be rather miffed if he were to scupper their chances with his wacky antics, which over the last few days have included “inventing a new kind of dance”, crashing his car into one of his other cars and presenting the Ukrainian equivalent of Springwatch.
Most controversially of all, Balotelli outlined his plans to not take all that kindly to being subjected to torrents of racial abuse by insane fascists with violent tendencies, a decision which has been roundly condemned by Michel Platini.
Motta done gone sayed in Italian: “We really, really want to do well in this tournament, and we believe that Mario can help us achieve that.
“On the other hand, driving a minibus through Andrea Pirlo’s wall, spiking everyone’s penne rustica with ketamine – these are things that could hurt our chances of having a really good moment at the Euros.
“I call upon all of our travelling supporters to sing lullabies outside his window while he sleeps.”
Sepp Blatter snarled: “If he so much as thinks about turning a blind eye to open racism then so help me I shall run onto that pitch and book him myself.
“There is no escape from Euro 2012! Mu ha ha ha ha!”