Jose Mourinho declared himself to be really, really, really, really, really, really happy, honest, upon returning to his former role as manager of Chelsea.
The Portuguese, happy, said he was so happy about being so happy that he had also made his wife happy, and his children happy, so now everyone’s happy.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Mourinho remained ashen-faced even throughout the “celebratory jig” that he performed in full jester’s outfit, belled slippers and all.
He said: “I am the Happy One. Don’t believe me? Just look at my happy face.”
Mourinho then pushed both sides of his lips upwards using his index fingers.
He continued: “Calmer? I believe so. I’m in the best moment of my career in terms of knowledge. Why do you ask? Do I not look calm [or something]?
“Fair enough, just asking. As I was saying, at 50, I think I am still very young as a manager and I think it is like the beginning of a new period. Do I have a different personality? No, but for sure I have a different approach and perspective.
“Hey, don’t do that. What? You know perfectly well what – that thing you do where you make it look as if I asked myself a question just so you don’t have to prefix every quote with something like ‘when asked about X, Mourinho said’. Don’t do that.
“Seriously, cut it out.”
When asked about Andres Iniesta accusing him of “damaging” Spanish football – you’re right, Jose, it’s not so bad – Mourinho shrugged and pointed out that the Barcelona star could “go suck the **** out of a ****”.
He also moved to deny reports that John Terry had (insert weak Terry gag referring to any number of things he’s done here).
Do you think Jose Mourinho has what it takes to be the next Jose Mourinho? Have your say in the comments thingy below!