“I Told Him This Would Happen,” Says Monkeybloke’s Livid Missus

Liverpool v Manchester United was the stage for a classic piece of racist tomfoolery
"Sorry lad, I'm barred, but maybe your Uncle Grot can take you" (Img: Margaret A. McIntyre)

One man thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to impersonate a monkey during Saturday’s match between Liverpool and Manchester United at Anfield, and it all blew up spectacularly in his stupid face.

The utter moron, from Barmouth, Wales, thought that it would be dead funny, right, to bound about in the stands, hunched over and with his arms swinging by his sides, as if to insinuate that Red Devils full-back Patrice Evra is somehow subhuman despite being infinitesimally richer, more successful, better-looking and more talented than he.

Unfortunately for the total buffoon, 58, his funny little monkey dance was caught on camera and posted on Twitter so that not only could all the world see what a hateful sack of offal he is, but also freeing up his every remaining weekend to sit at home and think about what a silly boy he’d been, and what to say to any young relative he might have about why he’s not allowed to take them to the match, but please hurl abuse at all black opposition players on his behalf, thank you.

His livid missus said: “I told him this would happen – he can’t say I didn’t warn him.

“All bleedin’ week he’d been banging on about how he was going to strike a blow for his club by acting like a monkey whenever that United lad touched the ball, and how everyone in the seats around him would fall about laughing and then mutter amongst each other about what a comedy genius he is.

“I kept telling him that he was setting himself up for a big fall, what with all the online social whatnots we’ve got these days, but did he listen? Did he arseburgers.

“A few of his mates from down the local have been round to offer their support, and in my honest opinion each and every one of them looks considerably more troglodytic than that United boy.”

She added: “Seriously, they’re more likely to strike a blow with a club than for it.

“Stupid bastards.”