José Mourinho has sensationally hit back at claims that he sexistly insulted demoted doc Eva Carneiro, providing perfectly reasonable explanations for each instance of it.

The Chelsea boss, an Aquarius, stands accused of outright piggery in his dealings with the moved-down medic but nevertheless maintains his absolute innocence.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Mourinho explained that he hadn’t called Carneiro a “foul cow” or threatened to “accost her”.

He said: “I was merely asking her whether she thought we should start with Falcao or Costa.

“It’s just like the time I said ‘Ivanović’ and she thought I called her a ‘fanny itch’. I don’t even know where to start with that.

“This other time I said ‘John Terry’ and she slept with my wife. Zing.”