“Have you thought about moving to China?” says every football agent in the world

Oscar's £400,000 a week deal at Shanghai SIPG sparks frenzy of calculated coercion.

Oscar's move to China will net him £400,000 a week
OPULENT: Oscar (Image: joshjdss)

Every football agent was this morning dropping hints to their clients that they should consider a move to China after it was reported that Shanghai SIPG will be paying Oscar £400,000 a week.

Football Burp understands that the agents have been furtively wafting the smell of Chinese food into the players’ homes and playing mystical bamboo pipe music in their presence, saying “I just think it’s neat”.

Football Burp also understands that the agents became increasingly tetchy when queried about what they were up to, saying things like, “What? Nothing. Why do you ask? I just appreciate the good things in life and want to share them with you.”

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, one agent insisted that it’s not about the money nor ever has been.

He said: “It’s not about the money nor ever has been.

“I just think my client stands to benefit from the enormous cultural enlightenment that China has to offer. Who wouldn’t?

“Papiss Cissé went to play out there and now he’s unlocked the secret to eternal youth. At least that’s what I heard, anyway.

“I just think China is really, really, really, really, really, really neat.”