A couple of James Wilson debut goals for Manchester United against Hull City last night meant absolutely nothing as ‘Ryan Giggs subs self on’ fever swept the nation, it has emerged.
The Red Devils youngster, presumably, struck twice at Old Trafford to obviously not join such luminaries as Federico Macheda and Chris Eagles in scoring a debut goal that propels United to the Premier League title.
In a move that’s already been dubbed “Giggs subs self on”, albeit in this very article, the grizzled Welsh managerial love rat substituted himself on instead of someone who was in everybody’s Fantasy Football teams like, I don’t know, Juan Mata.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Wilson’s proud parents explained that it wasn’t their son’s fault that United aren’t about to win the title and admonished us for unoriginal writing.
They roared: “Frankly, it’s a bit late in the day to be cracking wise about Manchester United’s nightmare 2013-14 season.
“James’s debut goals will live long in history, even when he’s leading the line for Sunderland or Bristol City or someone like that in three years’ time.
“Please don’t tell him but we’ve already agreed the deal.”
A James Wilson debut goals commemorative OST/DVD package will be released next Monday on Big Whoop Records.