Get Off the Floor and Tell Us What’s Happening With Barmby, Sky Sports Told

Sky Sports enjoyed Manchester City beating Manchester United 1-0
Cigarette... Suggestive (Img: Tomasz Sienicki)

Sky Sports has been told to stub that cigarette out, pick itself up off the floor, have a shower and get back to bringing us the very latest news about Nick Barmby’s suspension from Hull City.

After spending last night watching two colossal money-making machines slugging it out for a silver pot filled with even more precious money, Sky Sports frankly could not contain itself, going on to emit a sustained and wavering wail that several onlookers described as “making Gary Neville’s reaction to Torres’s goal against Barcelona sound like a cartoon mouse sneezing”.

However, God – stepping in to intervene while Goldman Sachs, the only other higher authority to Sky Sports, was busy twisting the Bank of England’s nipples and laughing – has told the sport broadcasting giant to peel its wretched self off its own mahogany planking and return immediately to announcing what it understands about Macclesfield Town’s search for a new manager following Brian Horton’s departure from Moss Rose.

Shaking His head at Sky Sports’s lecherous grin and many cigarette burns, The Almighty then paused to reflect on how strange it was that the managerial situations at Hull and Macclesfield had sprung to mind more readily than that of the national team.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, He said: “What strange times we are in when folks are literally frothing at the mouths in excitement over the two Manchester clubs battling it out for the title, but no-one could give an unevolved human’s uncle about Euro 2012 despite it being just a matter of months away.

“I happen to think Roy Hodgson will make a fine choice of scapegoat, and I look forward to personally greeting him at the pearly gates when you idiots tie him to a rock and set fire to him for drawing 1-1 with Sweden in the group stage.”

He added: “I don’t think United will find Swansea as much of a pushover as everyone seems to think, but then what do I know? I lumped on Liverpool for the title in August.”