When Germany thrash Brazil, it’s with damn good reason – the reason being that the shock waves sent through football by Bayern Munich’s thrashing of Barcelona caused the match to reoccur once more.
The 7-0 Champions League rout, aggregated, rocked the very foundations of football to such an extent that its vibrations spawned a replica in the form of Holland’s 5-1 win over Spain in the group stage.
Last night’s 1-7 horror show in Belo Horizonte bore all the hallmarks of further repercussions as ruthless Germanic types swept through a celebrated outfit with frankly alarming ease.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the first German fan we could find remained philosophical about his side’s chances of winning their first World Cup since that New Order/”Nessun dorma” one about five hundred years ago.
He said: “It was 1990, you English dog.
“When did England last win the World Cup, anyway? 1066, wasn’t it? That’s like a thousand years ago.
“Sorry, I was supposed to be remaining philosophical, wasn’t I? Er, well, it’s going to be a tough final either way.
“How do you remain philosophical anyway? Just be really bland and downplay everything? Doesn’t seem very philosophical to me.
“In any case, how can you be expected to remain philosophical when Germany thrash Brazil, in Brazil? I well and truly lost my scheiße.
“It’s one match, reoccurring throughout history. Well, over the course of a year and a bit.
“That’s pretty out there.”