Germans invade Champions League final

They’re coming

German forces have invaded the Champions League final and its goals have bombed out La Liga giants, including Barcelona and Real Madrid. The attack comes without any warning or declaration of war.

Over the last two nights, German full backs, midfielders and attackers advanced on Wembley territory with two football clubs, Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund, a total of 22 players at any one time.

In a terrifying demonstration of the power of the Blitzkrieg doctrine, German forces overwhelmed those of Spain and Catalonia in a matter of hours, potentially setting the stage for years of bitter global conflict.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, fans of Millwall and West Ham United said that they couldn’t wait to welcome the two sets of German supporters to Wembley next month, in what is sure to be a carnival of mutually celebrated cultural differences.

They boomed: “We shall fight on the steps, we shall fight in the bogs, we shall fight by the Bobby Moore statue and the folk roasting hogs.

“We shall never surrender, although we might forget that we’ve bonded over a cause and start fighting amongst ourselves while the German fans slink off shrugging at each other. We absolutely cannot rule that out.

“Never will so much have been owed by so many to so few – and that’s just for sales of hotdogs and match programmes.”

They added: “Arf!”