Gareth Southgate confirmed as new England sucker

Former Pizza Hut star announced as head fall guy coach on permanent basis.

Gareth Southgate is new England manager
SUCKER GAFFER: Southgate (Image: Ben Sutherland)

Football Burp understands Gareth Southgate has been officially announced as the new head fall guy coach of the English national team.

The former Pizza Hut star was rewarded for a successful four-match trial period in which he would have claimed straight victories were it not for an hilarious late collapse against Spain.

He may now settle into life as England manager until just after the next major tournament on a full-time basis, having earlier this year led the U21s to Toulon Tournament glory.

But he has Sam Allardyce to thank, the barbecue ribs enthusiast having been dismissed after just one game for appearing to drink a pint of wine.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, new England sucker boss Southgate outlined his excitement at embarking on a series of non-events that culminate in the annihilation of his reputation managing his country.

He said: “I can’t wait to continue the false dawn bright start we’ve made.

“Wait, what just happened there?”