Gareth Barry was this morning celebrating the news that his newly established taxi company has broken the record for bookings in the first week.

The West Brom midfielder’s private hire company Gaz Baz Cabz has accumulated more bookings than any of its counterparts at the same stage, resulting in a suspension – of disbelief.

Barry told Football Burp: “Yeah, I couldn’t believe it at first, but there are the numbers in black and white.

“The key to my success? I think the colour scheme has played a key part – we’ve based our taxis on the yellow model such as you find in New York.

“We went out around the West Midlands area and distributed a load of yellow flyers redeemable for 25 per cent off your first journey, so I’ve been out all over town picking up yellow cards – and of course passengers.

“It’s been a dream start to be fair but I’d still urge caution. Plenty of cautions.

“We’ve been training guard dogs to chase down and s**t on potential assailants, so we can break up any attack with a professional foul.”

No one else was available to pick up and run with the joke.