Gareth Bale transfer fee unites Ronaldo and Southampton in grief

"Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion," they, er, said.

All this could have been Southampton’s

It’s the Gareth Bale transfer fee that’s set the world alight – but his new teammate Cristiano Ronaldo and former club Southampton have been locked in mutual consolation.

The Real Madrid star, as he is henceforth known, joined the La Liga giants from Tottenham Hotspur in what is already being described as “a world record deal, even more than that LOSER Cristiano Ronaldo, even if Real report otherwise to spare his precious feelings, let’s all laugh at him and pity him, ha ha ha ha right in his stupid face”.

As for the Saints, it has been reported that they sold a 25% sell-on clause back to Spurs for just £3m – a fair whack short of what they’d have stood to recoup if they’d not got all ‘financial meltdown’-y and desperate.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Ronaldo and Southampton sobbed into each others’ arms and let out one primal, animalistic wail in haunting synchronicity.

They cried: “In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory.

“Though lovers be lost, love shall not; And death shall have no dominion.”

It was ****ing weird.

How did the Gareth Bale transfer fee make you feel? Are you saddened, enraptured, perhaps even ambivalent? Have your say in the comments whatsit!