Israeli interception supremo Iron Dome has temporarily foiled Gareth Bale’s qualification for next year’s European Championships in France, we can confirm.
The mobile all-weather air defense system, state-of-the-art, made save after save to deny the Real Madrid primate his rightful place at the world’s joint second most illustrious international competition.
While Bale has been praised for his versatility in being able to operate anywhere along the front three positions on the pitch, Iron Dome is able to intercept rockets coming from two directions simultaneously.
And that’s pretty versatile too.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a clearly frustrated Gareth Bale made repeated references to Israel’s special relationship with the United States.
He said: “I may have cost £80m or so myself, but in the fiscal year 2014 the US provided $3.9 billion in foreign military aid to Israel.
“Now, I don’t know what ‘fiscal’ means, and I only have a very basic understanding of what ‘military’ and ‘aid’ mean, but that doesn’t sound altogether fair to me.
“People say Netanyahu’s a war criminal but that sounds pretty cool to me. War Criminals could be a great video game, I might seek advice on claiming a patent on it.
“In summary, I never stood a chance.”