Football writer gambles on nothing interesting happening in Europa League

"With any luck, Andre Villas-Boas won't strip naked and headbutt the referee," he says.

In an ideal world, last night’s Europa League games would have been as exciting as watching this kettle boil

A football writer gambled on nothing particularly interesting happening in last night’s Europa League fixtures so that he could fulfill work obligations without having to stay up late.

Although the writer’s identity has been withheld along with that of the satirical football website he writes for, it is believed that his decision was based on his tendency to “get a bit sleepy after supper”.

Speaking anonymously to Football Burp, the would-be award-winning scribe explained that the absence of drama in last night’s matches involving Tottenham Hotspur and Swansea City was something he was willing to take a chance on.

He said: “Nothing ever happens on Thursdays altogether, let alone the Europa League matches that take place on them.

“I’ve got a feeling I can schedule this utterly meaningless drivel, written all nice and prior to dinner, safe in the knowledge that I won’t look foolish tomorrow morning after Michu scores a quadruple hattrick or Andre Villas-Boas strips naked and headbutts the referee.

“I love the Europa League. It’s so…boring.”

He later added: “Oh look, they scored five each.

“If I at least acknowledge that at the end of the piece, maybe it’ll get me off the hook.”

The unnamed satirical football website have since confirmed that they have parted company with the unnamed satirical football writer by “mutual consent”.