Football is not in the least bit important for the first time in decades, a new study claims to show.
The experiment, unsolicited, aimed to discover what happens when insane global events coincide with international breaks.
As it turns out, it renders football completely irrelevant, marking the first occasion it has been so in the post-Cold-War era.
Followed avidly by millions, football has long been a leading topic of conversation for drunk men attempting to bond.
It rose to prominence in the late 19th century as an edgy new alternative to public floggings and dancing bear shows.
And it made headlines yesterday as Joey Barton announced he was taking a break from working on his Joey Barton biopic, Joseph Barton: Dawn of the Rise.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Hillary Clinton sobbed gently into a bottle of hot sauce.
She said: “One day you’re a shoo-in for President, the next you’re talking to some schmuck spoof football website.
“What a devastatingly rapid fall from grace it has been.”
Donald Trump was unavailable for demagoguery.