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Football Burp rejects fresh Goal.com bid for Jermaine Pedant

The offer, believed to be in excess of 20p, was laughed off, dismissed out of hand, labelled as "derisory" and had scorn poured all over it.

Jermaine Pedant
Pedant… Out of favour

Football Burp have confirmed that they have rejected a third offer from Goal.com for wantaway academic Jermaine Pedant.

The offer, believed to be in excess of 20p, was laughed off, dismissed out of hand, labelled as “derisory” and had scorn poured all over it by an indignant Football Burp, who are thought to be holding out for at least a quid.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Football Burp accused Goal.com of “lacking class” in their pursuit of Pedant, who has been out of action since May having suffered from a disappointing slump in hits.

We said: “We’ve always associated Goal.com as a website with class, so there’s a wee bit of a game going on there.

“Obviously they have an interest and they put that interest in with three bids which were nowhere near what the player is worth, and that’s within their right.

“There is a market in football for players but from us the message is constant – we do not want to sell.”

Speaking exclusively to a more reputable website, Jermaine Pedant declared himself to be “disappointed” with Football Burp’s statement.

He said: “Firstly, I should question Football Burp’s assertion that they – and I quote – ‘have always associated Goal.com as a website with class’.

“You don’t associate something as something else, you associate something with something else.

“Perhaps Football Burp might consider retracting their statement and releasing a new one in which they attest to having always associated Goal.com with class.

“Alternatively, they might adhere to the original sentence structure by substituting ‘thought of’ in for ‘associated’.

“Furthermore, the use of ‘which’ in ‘three bids which were nowhere near’ is incorrect. In this instance, ‘that’ would be appropriate.

“See me after class if you require clarification as to why this should be.”

He continued: “Obviously it’s been frustrating to have been sidelined for so long, especially at a time when Football Burp have been so desperate for ideas.

“I would welcome the chance of a fresh start at a great website like Goal.com, where I’m sure I could recapture my best traffic.

“It’s up to Football Burp to be fair-minded in terms of the demands they make. Personally, I feel a whole quid to be a ridiculously unreasonable valuation.

“There are still a few weeks left of the window, so let’s see what happens.”

Goal.com were unavailable for comment as they were too busy scratching their heads with bemusement.