Fixture list set to go “pretty mental”, men warn women

A lovely Boxing Day lunch
He’s at home watching Reading v Swansea (Img: Brian Harrington Spier)
Men have warned women that the fixture list is all set to go “pretty mental”, and that they will most likely have to sit out Boxing Day lunch round their mothers’.

The blokes, laddish, reasoned that it was only fair to warn their female counterparts in advance of the deluge of Christmas fixtures lest they start to wonder why there’s suddenly a mini refrigerator by the side of the couch where once there was just a coffee table holding up a pile of women’s weeklies.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Dave said that although there was an outside chance of him making it for the Boxing Day feast, his “bird” ought to be prepared to make other arrangements.

He said: “You never know, I might NOT want to watch as much football as I can over the festive period – I mean, there’s always the chance I might get struck by lightning and wake up a rugby league fan or something.

“At this stage though it looks most likely that I’ll be moving from the couch only for urgent bowel movements and pizza delivery acceptance, so I’ve kindly drawn her up a list of alternatives for her to take round her mum’s instead.

“There’s the dog, of course, and next door’s cat, while I hear old Bob-from-down-the-road’s wife just died, so he might appreciate the company far more than I would.

“I just don’t see how she could possibly hold this against me.”