It’s the Ferdinand v Moyes ill feeling that’s gripping a nation, and it took a dramatic twist yesterday as former Manchester United defender Rio threatened to “merk” the Scotsman as payback for stealing his chips.
Ferdinand, now of some Harry Redknapp managed mob, wrote in his soon-to-be-released autobiography #WhatDoYouMeanUrineSample that Moyes kept swooping in and pinching the savoury snacks just as he was about to take a bite out of them, like when the Great Gazoo kept swiping a hamburger from Fred Flinstone’s mouth.
Except that hamburger was probably made out of dinosaur. Far out, man.
Writing exclusively for Football Burp with an old fashioned quill and ink set, Rio elaborated on the burgeoning Ferdinand v Moyes rivalry that’s got everybody talking.
He scribed: “I’m Rio Ferdinand, for Pete’s sake – nobody steals my chips or leaves me out of Champions League quarter-finals starting line-ups, nobody.
“Moyes got it wrong from day one. He came in, dropped me and then team spirit was never quite the same due to my constant moping about and general passive-aggressive behaviour.
“If he hadn’t have come from such a tiny and insignificant club as Everton then he would have anticipated how badly I’d react to being dropped and we could have come to some other arrangement.
“I’m just saying, he got it wrong, that’s all.”
He added: “Let me be heard here and now – I will find Moyes, and I will merk him.
“Moyes, consider yourself a merked man.”
Moyes was unavailable for comment as he was glaring at Ferdinand’s article, eyes agog with incredulity.
Mrs Moyes said: “They’re not agog with incredulity.
“They’re always like that.”