Troy Deeney has revealed he undertook a vow of passive-aggression when he was released from jail for battering a student.

The Watford forward was replying to Football Burp’s Facebook prompt of “u ok, hun?xxx” after he went on Match of the Day to highlight the poor quality of service he received from team-mates during the 3-1 defeat at West Brom.

It turns out the move was a calculated one and the latest in a long line of passive-aggressive actions that Deeney is deploying in lieu of physical battery.

In a determined effort not to end up back in jail, he now spends a sizeable chunk of his income on post-it notes to leave critical missives behind on poorly-parked cars and sinks full of unwashed dishes.

He said: “A quick ‘any chance?’ usually gets the message across, but this time I had more to say.

“If they don’t cross me the ball then I can’t do the goal things, simple as – but telling them to their faces might well have sparked a career-threatening altercation.

“Tell you what, though, you should have seen that student. He was being such a student. It was St Patrick’s day and he was wearing one of those infernal Guinness hats.

“But now I’ve got a system in place to help me deal with that kind of thing.”