EXCLUSIVE: Next Roy Keane job to involve aeronautics

Irishman rejects role as leader of the Liberal Democrats.

Next Roy Keane job leaves Martin O'Neill all on his own
Martin O’Neill will now soldier on alone in the Republic of Ireland aeronautics department

It’s the next Roy Keane job that’s been keeping everyone guessing, and it looks set to be resolved after NASA offered the Irishman a role in their aeronautics department.

The former Manchester United midfielder, steely, had been on the lookout for a new challenge after successfully assistant-coaching Republic of Ireland to a creditable 0-0 friendly draw against Italy.

Keane had been offered roles as manager of Celtic and Paul Lambert’s assistant at Aston Villa, but it is believed that the study, design and manufacturing of airflight-capable machines represents the next chapter of his remarkable story.

A notorious challenger of authority, Keane’s career has been on a steady upwards trajectory from the outset, resulting in this latest flurry of job offers that included an invitation to replace Nick Clegg as leader of the Liberal Democrats and/or Deputy Prime Minister.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Keane revealed his intention to use his own upwards trajectory as an inspiration for “getting dem big arl rockets to fly straight up in the air, so”.

He said: “Obviously the best rockets come back down to Earth eventually, and that’s not a direction I’m accustomed to going in.

“Sunderland, ITV, Ipswich Town, ITV again, Martin O’Neill’s assistant – it keeps getting bigger and better for me in my post-playing days, so it won’t do me any harm to learn a little humility.

“Maybe I could just talk the rockets back down to Earth in my inviting, dulcet tones. Then slag off their fans for making too much noise.

“Is Craig Gordon still playing? No? Ah well, so, I could just take the £9m and burn it instead. Like that KLF stunt, only with nine times the money.

“Whose phone is that? Is that yours?”

There was no phone.

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