EXCLUSIVE: Mourinho doesn’t think

Chelsea boss descends into cognitive oblivion.

Mourinho doesn't think about green strawberries like this guy
Green strawberries are just one of the things that Mourinho doesn’t think about (Image: Was a bee)

José Mourinho doesn’t think, we can exclusively reveal.

The Chelsea boss, thoughtless, took time out from cognitive oblivion to outline exclusively to Football Burp just how non-existent his introspection has become.

He said: “There’s literally nothing going on up there. Zilch, nada. It’s a vacuum.

“Say you asked me about John Terry’s red card against West Brom, right? Well, you wouldn’t get much of a response out of me ’cause I’d be utterly void of contemplation.

“My cerebral functions would be in a state of total nihility. Nullity? Nihility? Whichever the right word for this is.

“I know one of them’s a legal term but I can’t remember which one it is because I don’t think, you see.”

No one thoughtful was available for comment at the time of going to press.