Everton will line up with Angry Birds on their shirt sleeves for today’s match at Manchester United as a show of sympathy for Wayne Rooney’s marital troubles.
In a move similar to Liverpool players wearing Luis Suárez T-shirts after he yelled ‘negrito’ seven times in Patrice Evra’s face, Toffees team-mates will don the Angry Birds insignia in recognition of how much Rooney must be getting it in the neck from Colleen right now.
They will then form a guard of honour through which Romelu Lukaku shall repeatedly pass on his way to a devastating hat-trick.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Everton manager Ronald Koeman looked glum and said “but okay” a lot.
He said: “Rooney has upset the girl with his wacky Andy Capp style antics, but okay, he is hurting and we try to make him feel better.
“He is an important part of our team, but okay, his wife is livid. But okay, we try to get his mind focused on the game at Old Trafford.
Red, the Angry Birds protagonist bird, reportedly demanded crisis talks at being told he’s now Blue.