Everton are doing that thing again where they play like drunken chimps for six months then bash out some title form right at the end of the season, it has been confirmed.
The Toffees, enigmatic, swatted Manchester United aside 3-0 to claim their 5th win in 6 matches, a run which looks set to continue their decade-long record of only really picking up points in April and May yet still managing to finish in the top half somehow.
It’s a tradition that was originally set in stone by previous manager David Moyes, although current incumbent Roberto Martínez is no stranger to late rallies having consistently managed to get Wigan Athletic playing like sodding Barcelona all of a sudden the moment Spring rolled lazily around.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Martínez used an array of superlatives to describe just how marvellous everything is now that his Everton side are winning again.
He said: “It’s phenomenal, incredible. Truly outstanding.
“If I had to make up a word to describe just how ace it is not to be losing any more, I’d go with ‘phenomenedible’ – half phenomenal, half incredible.
“I’m so excited I fear I might incur a soft tissue injury and be sidelined for several months like all those Wigan players I signed.”
David Moyes was unavailable for comment as he now spends every spare moment applying industrial-strength sunscreen.