The people, indigenous, were astonished not just at seeing the Toffees spending 90 minutes banging the ball in the net while a bloke with a flag stood on the sideline shaking his head, but also that they were able to vouch for the goals’ legitimacy before the match officials had learned of their errors.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Atka the Wise expressed his amazement that, even in the year 2012, UEFA still refuses to implement the reasonably basic measures it would take to clear these matters up.
He said: “We were gathered around Naartok the Obese’s iPad watching the game on a seven-hour delay, so I have to say we were quite surprised to learn that we were able to make judgements about the goals faster and more accurately than the actual match officials.
“I understand there are all sorts of arguments about logistics, but it’s so quick and easy to look at instant replays these days that surely they could have someone informing the referee over an earpiece.
“It’s so quick and easy to look at instant replays these days…”
He added: “See?”
David Moyes was unavailable for comment, but he was able to get his secretary to send us an Instagram of his grimacing face.