England women’s team slump to equality with group stage exit

"It mortifies me to have presided over the women's team finally matching the standard set by the men's," laments coach Hope Powell

England Women's Football Team
Turns out they’re just as rubbish as the men (Image: England Women’s Football Team / Facebook)

England women slumped to equality last night as a 3-0 defeat to France left them looking every bit as hopeless as their male counterparts.

The defeat, comprehensive, sent Hope Powell’s side crashing out of the European Championships at the group stage, making a mockery of their eleven-match unbeaten run going into the tournament and thrusting upon them the kind of ignominy heaped upon the men’s U21 and U20 teams.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Powell declared herself “ashamed” to have presided over the shambles that rubber-stamped equality with English men’s football in all aspects bar exorbitant remuneration.

She said: “Well, firstly I take exception to you describing my side as ‘hopeless’ – after all, Hope is my first name, so we’re not entirely without Hope.

“But yeah, it was hopeless, wasn’t it? It mortifies me to think that the history books will show my reign to have been the one when the England women’s team finally matched the standard set by the men’s.

“I offer no excuses – we just have to lick our wounds, pick ourselves up off the carpet and get on with it.”

She added: “What do you mean ‘fnar’?

“You’re an absolute disgrace.”

Football Burp was not available for comment as it was too busy watching old episodes of Men Behaving Badly and going “mur-hur-hur!”.