England v Scotland happened last night, apparently.
The match, reportedly consequential, saw Gareth Southgate’s side run out 3-0 winners on a night when most people were loudly debating world events down the pub.
Goals from Daniel Sturridge, Adam Lallana and Gary Cahill proved decisive as Gordon Strachan’s spirit was further crushed into a fine paste.
Whereas once the fiery redhead laid waste to interviewers’ inane questions with barbed responses, he is now a shell of the man once described by Sir Alex Ferguson as “a total s***ehawk”.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Strachan outlined the areas in which his side were bested by England.
He said: “Which areas? That big, green…ah, forget it.
“What’s the point? Slog my guts out on the training ground in the hope of clinging to a draw that may or may not increase my chances of getting the Coventry job when I’m inevitably sacked?
“I took Southampton to an FA Cup final, you know. I had James Beattie scoring goals for fun. James f***ing Beattie, mind you.
“I don’t deserve this s***.”