England have become the first national side to bore excruciatingly under eight consecutive managers, we can confirm.

The Three Lions numbered eleven in Sam Allardyce’s first match, winning 1-0 in Slovakia thanks to Adam Lallana’s last-gasp wake-you-upper.

No international team had managed to comprehensively unenthuse for six coaches on the trot, but England gave that stat a ruddy good seeing-to.

Continuing the work of Roy Hodgson, Fabio Capello, Steve McClaren, Sven-Göran Eriksson and various comedy caretakers was never going to be easy.

But Allardyce well and truly pulped the history books by fielding a side so tedious it could make you throw up.

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Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Alan, an England supporter from Penge, said he was so profoundly bored that he feels the boredom now defines him.

He roared: “It’s the most intensely I’ve ever felt anything in my life.

“England’s sheer lack of appeal simultaneously blows my mind and lulls me into a deep sleep.

“What makes it even worse is I have a recurring anxiety dream about penalty shoot-outs.

“So now I’m bored and frustrated in one realm and bitterly fearful in the other.

“That’s just super.”