England set up heroic quarter-final exit against Italy

England book quarter-final defeat to Italy
Ancient Roman beach volleyball… Better than yet another Hodgson picture
England beat Ukraine 1-0 last night to set up an heroic quarter-final exit at the hands of Italy.

Wayne Rooney’s second-half header and a kick-off time that predated the introduction of goal line technology were enough to hand Roy ‘Psycho’ Hodgson’s side the spoils, and they will now commence preparations for Sunday’s penalty shoot-out defeat/game-turning red card/whatever other manner of cosmic balance-redressing against Cesare Prandelli’s hitherto unconvincing Azzuri side.

Hodgson told Football Burp: “You think I don’t read this claptrap you spout habitually forth? I do take toilet breaks, you know, and I do now know how to operate a smartphone.

“I’ve got the Football Burp app and I saw your article about how we’re now even more boring to watch than Sweden, who we went on to beat 3-2 in a thrilling game.

“Keep posting your desperately unfunny, shockingly ill-informed prittle prattle, and we’ll stick to trying to win Euro 2012 so the likes of yourselves, SoccerBelch.net and SportsVom.org can write all about how the nation is celebrating too much, or too little, or whatever, I couldn’t give a monkey’s.

“Now piss off.”

If this works, please contact Football Burp with a bank statement and a picture of yourself so we can discuss how you can pay back your gratitude.