England was this morning waking up still wondering what the hell had happened after seeing its international football team look reasonably competent in last night’s 3-1 win over Scotland.

The nation, Anglo-Saxon, could scarcely fathom what on earth it was beholding when their players embarked on a sublime passing move that resulted in Wayne Rooney sweeping in his second goal of the evening.

In scenes not witnessed since Euro ’96, the Three Lions showed an understanding of the ‘pass and move’ ethos, and of each others’ games, that decidedly passed muster on its way to being up to scratch.

It’s a sudden display of competence that has rocked English football to its very foundations, quite literally, with many suggesting that some kind of witchcraft or voodoo was at play.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, England manager Roy Hodgson poured scorn on speculation that he’s a witch.

He said: “Rich, you say? Well, my job is quite well remunerated, I’ll admit that much.

“Oh I see, a witch. Now that’s an entirely different matter. No, I’m not a witch.

“For starters, I don’t float – not on water, not on the stock exchange, not as a voter, not in any walk of life.

“We’re probably just good now because I’m no longer obliged to shoehorn Steven Gerrard into the side no matter what, making us Liverpool without the Suárez.

“Because we’ve all seen how that works out.”