England have been knocked out of the Under-20 World Cup in Turkey following a sudden gust of wind, it has been uttered.

The gust, sudden, was all that it took to send Peter Taylor’s side crashing out of the tournament having already failed to beat both Iraq and, perhaps most damningly of all, a monkey chained to a nearby lamppost.

Their ignominious exit is the latest setback to hit English football following an equally dismal showing at the Under-21 World Cup, where hopes were dashed by a last-gasp ‘years of abject failure at grass roots level’.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Taylor chose to focus solely on the positive aspects of having seen his side so utterly humiliated.

He said: “I’m just glad that wasn’t me out there – I’d be mortified right now if I was one of them.

“At least we can hold our heads ups and say that at least no one was suffocated by the plastic carrier bag that blew across the pitch, although obviously we had to keep our heads down for that one.

“We can count ourselves unlucky in some ways – we were playing against the wind, whereas the actual wind itself didn’t have that problem.

“It’s only a matter of time before those things start to take their toll.”