England supporters will be granted a large-scale ruck with their Russian counterparts as reward for sitting through ninety-six minutes of a match against Slovenia.
The scrap, scheduled to commence in June 2018, will reprise disturbances at last year’s European Championships in France that resulted in a comprehensive win for the Russians.
Stan Collymore has been selected to officiate the mass melee while simultaneously streaming it live via Periscope.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Steve, an England fan from England, could scarcely contain his excitement at the prospect of further riotous confrontations.
He roared: “I got half my brain punched out through my ears by some Oleg or other last time out, so I’ll be going there intent on revenge.
“Even though I haven’t fought any mobs of Russians since then, I’m confident I’ll find my sharpness around sixteen lagers in.
“You kind of stop feeling pain after that, which is just as well because those Dmitris can be bloody vicious.
“Whatever happens on the actual pitches, I trust that senseless violence shall prove to be the winner.
“Son, fetch daddy his travel crowbar.”
There was no son.