It’s the Diego Costa injury latest that’s been keeping fantasy football players on tenterhooks worldwide, and Burp regrets to inform you that news is once again bleak.
The Chelsea striker, whose ears prickle and seethe when he’s angry in a manner reminiscent of those little dinosaurs at the beginning of Jurassic Park that spit black venom in Numan from Seinfeld’s face, has exploded.
That’s the opinion of his manager José Mourinho, who told Football Burp of:
- His dismay at seeing Costa run towards a patch of land mines round the back of Chelsea’s Cobham training ground
- His anguish at seeing his new £32m front man explode
- His grief at having to sweep up all the bits and dispose of them in an environmentally sound way
He said: “As you can imagine, the whole ordeal made me dismayed, anguished and grief-stricken.
“There’s no way he’ll be fit for our home game against Aston Villa this weekend, absolutely no way.
“So there’s your Diego Costa injury latest – we had all these land mines lying about round the back of the training ground, and he unwittingly ran into them and was blown up.
“Bits of him flying every which way. One of his ears almost took this pigeon’s head straight off, it was mental.”